Back in 1999, at the age of 40, I found myself amidst a completely unexpected divorce. There were no warning signs, no time to prepare myself for that fateful day when I would be told "I don't love you anymore". I was devastated, I thought we had it all, surely this wasn't happening. But it was, and at the time I was too shocked to think of the immediate implications. For days I wrestled with endless questions - Why and when did this happen, How did this happen. I never really got an explanation, only that she didn't love me anymore.
Unfortunately the law isn't too sympathetic for us poor guys who work all hours to pay the mortgage and feed the family, the law doesn't care what personal sacrifices we may have made along the way to build what we have, the priority is to give the children and ex-wife sufficient security for their future. This often means a complete disregard for the poor male who stands to lose everything, even if it really isn't his fault. That's just not fair and it is this fact that makes it so tough for the man who finds himself amidst divorce proceedings.
I guess its easier if it is you who strayed, or if it is you who wants out of the marriage for whatever reason. At least you walk away with something you want. But when you don't want anything that the impending divorce has to offer then it is like a cancer that eats away at every emotion possible. You feel like an innocent man who has just been sentenced to a life in prison. Everyone feels sorry for you, but there is nothing you can, or anyone can do. It will drive you into a deep depression, in my case for several months, but time really does help. It may never completely heel you, but it will definitely get to a stage where you come to accept what has happened.
I am in a fortunate situation, somehow I managed to muddle through the divorce proceedings without the use of solicitors, and without world war III. I can still speak to my ex-wife and have reached an amicable settlement that we both feel is fair. Above all I can see my children whenever I want and I have enough money left to lead the life I want. I am not a prisoner of my divorce.
And that is why I built this site, so I can share my experiences and approach to divorce in the hope that others, like me, will somehow get through the whole event and eventually feel that they are lucky. Much of what I have written is not rocket science, it is common sense and logic.
Firstly it is important to point out I have no legal qualifications whatsoever and this site is my account of how I personally reached an amicable settlement. Over the last few years I have spoken with many people who have gone through a divorce and I learnt from their mistakes, trying not to make the same errors of judgement as they had. It is fair to say that not all of my points may be wholly valid in your personal situation, but I think if you use the information on the site as a blueprint and feel that you are able to go it to the end without the use of solicitors, then you too should reap the benefits that I have.